The Day My Life Changed With Just One Phone Call

10 years ago today. I can remember it like it just happened. Michael (my STBX) and I were at a good friends’ wedding reception having a great time. I look at my phone and notice 12 missed calls from Mike’s dad. I tell Mike to call him. Next thing I know I hear Mike yell my name in one of the most horrifying ways. It was both screeching and terrifying. I run over to him (he was away from the table of friends); he can’t speak, but gives me the phone. His dad tells me “Austin’s drowned. He’s at the hospital”. I had no idea what that meant. Is he ok? Was he alive? We ran back to the table, grabbed my purse, told my friends why we had to leave and left. Ran. Mike jumped in the driver seat, I refused to get in with him driving, so we switched. We drove what had to be the longest 10 minutes to the hospital only to be greeted by Mike’s sister and many others Mike knew who had clearly been crying and telling us not to blame anyone specifically. For what? Because he was ok… right? At this point, we still didn’t know exactly what happened… or if he was ok. Looking back, we probably knew, but refused to believe it. Until we saw him and until we hugged him. The rest of the story, while clear as day for me, is too heartbreaking for me to share.

But I remember it all. I remember seeing him – he was not the boy we had just seen for the past week – happy with gorgeous blue eyes.

During the next couple weeks, many people told us different things. We were very often told God needed him and it happened for a reason. Those are probably the 2 worse things you can tell someone when they just lost a child. God didn’t need him… we needed him. His siblings need him. There is no reason that is a good enough reason to take away a 6 year old boy.

Looking back, 10 years later, while I still believe those to be the worst things to tell someone who lost a child, I can tell you I have learned many more things due to losing Austin.
I learned to take more pictures – they may be all you have left.
I learned to let the kids stay up a little later – they’ll be ok.
Let them have the extra snack – give them many hugs and kisses.
Tell the people you love that you love them.

The “big” things in life — money, careers, etc were nothing to us after this happened. We lost a sense of adulthood and life. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. (Of course this was about 9 months after we watched Jack, our other son, fight for his life as a preemie). We slowly (and after quite a few mistakes) learned to take life back. We are not the same as we were before Austin. In fact, I think it’s safe to say that Mike and I have both changed very much… and in different ways.

I have learned that your life, and the people around you, can change with one phone call. One phone call. I still get scared with my kids are not with me. It can happen so easily. When my kids are not with me, my phone is on my side. When they are with me – I don’t care where it is. Because I’m enjoying them. Their endless amount of hugs, questions, and love. (some days it’s a little much – but then I put it into perspective).

Every single day for the past 10 years we’ve missed this little man. We talk about him often to his siblings. They always ask questions about him – what he was like, who we think he would be like, who he looked like (spitting image of his dad), and so much more. This little boy was gone way too soon and for reasons I will NEVER understand, but he has never left our hearts. He has taught me more about life, love, and loss than we could have ever thought. But damn, we miss him.